Body removed from Sierra glacier after decades encased in ice
Hol-lee shit! Have you seen this article? I can’t believe it! It’s…it’s….it’s…Captain Fuckin’ America!
I’m sure all your non – superhero fans don’t have idea one what the Juice is goin’ on about. I’m equally as sure that you don’t give shit one. If that be the case, you can always click here (if I were you, I’d make sure the sound volume was down before clickin’ that link. But, thank the maker, I ain’t you. So do whatever you please.)
Gettin’ back to Captain America…Cap’n was originally a WWII soldier known as Steve Rodgers. Steve was a scrawny lil piece of crap. Ya know, kinda like that douche bag who used to get the sand kick at him in those old Greg Atlas ads in the back of comic books. According to legend, the government gave Steve Rodgers a shot of “super-soldier” serum. More than likely that “super-soldier” serum was a placebo. The government was probably just fuckin’ with Steve, just to get him out of the service, the worthless piece of shit. Long story short, Steve Rodgers/Captain America gets the super-soldier shot, becomes a bad mother fucker, and starts kick ass. Believe you me, he wasn’t takin’ any names. Just kickin’ ass.
The good Captain was thought to have “died” takin’ down those friggin’ Nazi’s on some crazy ass mission. His sidekick, Bucky, did die, though. I’ll tell ya, ya couldn’t pay me enough to be a sidekick. All the pain, none of the glory. Ya either die, or ya gotta wear those lil Robin pants. And how gay is that (my apologies to my homosexual readers)?
Lucky for us, Captain America didn’t die. He was just frozen in a block of ice, which conveniently didn’t kill him. One day the Captain America ice cube comes floatin' ashore. The Avengers thaw him out and Waaa laaa! Fresh Captain America!
Now what does this comic book history lesson have anything to do with the way French women shave their backs? I’ll tell ya. I’d be willin’ to wager dollars to donuts, that what those scienticians are workin' on right now to unfreeze that WWII serviceman in the above article. Not for science of history or anything. Shit. WWII wasn’t that long ago. There’s still some soldiers around to tell them what the war was like. No. These scienticians are prayin’ to the Christ that once they thaw this guy out, he’s gonna be Captain America.
What's the matter with these scienticians? First it's clonin' dinosaurs, then it's tryin' to bring frozen soldiers back to life. Sheesh! Once they get Captain America up and runnin' again, what do they think he’s gonna do? Solve all our problems? Is the newly thawed Cap’n gonna be like: “Got bank robbers? No problem! Cap’n America will take care of that!” Or: “Got drug dealers? No problem! Cap’n America will take care of that!” Or: “Got money launderin’ politicians? Uhhhh…I guess Cap’n America can take care of that.” Or: “Got doctors performin’ abortions? Hmmmmmm…Cap’n America’s not real sure about that one.” Or: “Got soldiers dyin’ in Iraq? !?!?!?!? What the hell do ya want Cap’n America to do? What ever happened to the mad scienticians who wanted to take over the world? Whatever happened to the bad guys who wanted to destroy a city unless we paid them 2 million dollars? Where’s the Red Skull? I can’t stand this ambiguity.”
The Juice kinda pictures it goin down like this:
click to see larger
What? You think I got anything to say after that?
Hol-lee shit! Have you seen this article? I can’t believe it! It’s…it’s….it’s…Captain Fuckin’ America!
I’m sure all your non – superhero fans don’t have idea one what the Juice is goin’ on about. I’m equally as sure that you don’t give shit one. If that be the case, you can always click here (if I were you, I’d make sure the sound volume was down before clickin’ that link. But, thank the maker, I ain’t you. So do whatever you please.)
Gettin’ back to Captain America…Cap’n was originally a WWII soldier known as Steve Rodgers. Steve was a scrawny lil piece of crap. Ya know, kinda like that douche bag who used to get the sand kick at him in those old Greg Atlas ads in the back of comic books. According to legend, the government gave Steve Rodgers a shot of “super-soldier” serum. More than likely that “super-soldier” serum was a placebo. The government was probably just fuckin’ with Steve, just to get him out of the service, the worthless piece of shit. Long story short, Steve Rodgers/Captain America gets the super-soldier shot, becomes a bad mother fucker, and starts kick ass. Believe you me, he wasn’t takin’ any names. Just kickin’ ass.
The good Captain was thought to have “died” takin’ down those friggin’ Nazi’s on some crazy ass mission. His sidekick, Bucky, did die, though. I’ll tell ya, ya couldn’t pay me enough to be a sidekick. All the pain, none of the glory. Ya either die, or ya gotta wear those lil Robin pants. And how gay is that (my apologies to my homosexual readers)?
Lucky for us, Captain America didn’t die. He was just frozen in a block of ice, which conveniently didn’t kill him. One day the Captain America ice cube comes floatin' ashore. The Avengers thaw him out and Waaa laaa! Fresh Captain America!
Now what does this comic book history lesson have anything to do with the way French women shave their backs? I’ll tell ya. I’d be willin’ to wager dollars to donuts, that what those scienticians are workin' on right now to unfreeze that WWII serviceman in the above article. Not for science of history or anything. Shit. WWII wasn’t that long ago. There’s still some soldiers around to tell them what the war was like. No. These scienticians are prayin’ to the Christ that once they thaw this guy out, he’s gonna be Captain America.
What's the matter with these scienticians? First it's clonin' dinosaurs, then it's tryin' to bring frozen soldiers back to life. Sheesh! Once they get Captain America up and runnin' again, what do they think he’s gonna do? Solve all our problems? Is the newly thawed Cap’n gonna be like: “Got bank robbers? No problem! Cap’n America will take care of that!” Or: “Got drug dealers? No problem! Cap’n America will take care of that!” Or: “Got money launderin’ politicians? Uhhhh…I guess Cap’n America can take care of that.” Or: “Got doctors performin’ abortions? Hmmmmmm…Cap’n America’s not real sure about that one.” Or: “Got soldiers dyin’ in Iraq? !?!?!?!? What the hell do ya want Cap’n America to do? What ever happened to the mad scienticians who wanted to take over the world? Whatever happened to the bad guys who wanted to destroy a city unless we paid them 2 million dollars? Where’s the Red Skull? I can’t stand this ambiguity.”
The Juice kinda pictures it goin down like this:
click to see larger
What? You think I got anything to say after that?
posted by the Juice at 8:11 PM
2 Comments:
...sorry Juice, and capt'n.
She's only teasin'. Don't 'cha know? There's no such thing as blow job parties. It's a well traveled urban legend. Read up on it.
...Paco
I guess we need to promptly initiate a plan to form our own party ;)
BeatNDown
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