The World's Greatest Invention Not Invented Yet: Automatic Sock Folder

So, the other day the Juice is foldin’ the laundry. I know. I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’: “The Juice, between workin’ all day for the man, then comin’ home and dealin’ with the kids, you even help out with the laundry? The Juice you are a true renaissance man.” I appreciate the sentiment, but the Juice is nothin’ of the sort. See, the Juice has picked up a thin' or two after bein’ married for so fuckin’ long. Now, I should seriously charge you for this lil nugget I’m about to share. I mean, this knowledge wasn’t just “jacked” into the ol’ noggin, like that douche bag in the Matrix. Although, I gotta tell ya, if that were the Juice, and I could upload any info, any situation, into the brain it sure wouldn’t be kung fu fightin’. Well, that’s not true. Kung Fu fightin’ is fairly fucking cool. So, maybe sometime down the road I might have that shit uploaded into the ol’ noodle. First thing first? Uploadin’ my list of hot chicks. Oh, yea! And the Juice would have his way with each and everyone one. Now, as much as I’d like to go into graphic detail how I might put it to Mrs. Superwickedhotpants, we’re here for a reason…

The nugget of wisdom. As I was sayin', the Juice worked hard over the years figurin' it out. But, since I’m feelin’ generous tonight, I'm just handin' it over like I do with everythin' else in my life. I'm not even gonna make you scroll over the white space to get it. Nope! No work for you tonight. So, here it is (you may want to imagine a drumroll, it’ll add to the effect): Help out once in a while.

Now, I’m sure you’re doin’ a double take. “Help out once in a while?!?!?!?” Yea, that was written in English. See, the Juice has learned that if ya help out once in awhile, it keeps the “bitchers” off your back. And the Juice is all about keep the bitchers off his back. Unless, of course, you’re a glutton for punishment, as I suspect many of you stupid fucks are.

It makes sense if ya think about it. Ya do the laundry, clean the dishes, take out the trash. Shit, if ya do enough, maybe your missus will fuck ya. The Juice often wonders that if you were to do enough cleanin’ around the house, would that be enough for the missus to let ya fuck another chick? Does that point really exist? Or is it as mythical as bigfoot, the Odyssey(good fuckin' luck with that one), and the blow job party. My guess is that much like the Pentaquark, the cleanin/sex with another chick point doesn't really exist. In the name of science, the Juice would almost be tempted to try that risky experiment, but the Juice don’t have the stomach for all that cleanin'. I may help out once in awhile, but anymore than that is "work". And the Juice sure as shit does enough of that. It ain't like the Juice doesn’t do his fair share day in and day out at a job that I can’t stand. And then come home to a completely ungrateful family. Who just expects more and more from me. No, that ain’t me. It’s Pina Colada’s and glamour magazines all day, every day for the Juice.

But, back to the real reason were gathered here today, the Juice helpin’ out with the laundry. The missus was doin' a fair amount of bitchin’ one particular day. Some shit that I don’t do enough around the house. May be true, may be false, but she was bitchin’ nonetheless. So, just to shut her the hell up, I took my own advice. I got off the couch I'd been for the last four hours. I cut the lawn, took out the trash, and yes, did the laundry. Anythin’ that will help keep her trap shut for 5 seconds.

So, the Juice is foldin’ the clothes of the ungrateful. And after foldin’ a few shirts the only things that were socks. Ugghhhh!!!!! The one thing the Juice hates more than anythin' else, more than gettin’ hit in the face with monkey shit, is foldin’ socks. Dang, I hate foldin’ socks! I wish I had a trained midget to do it. How great would that be? Or better yet, an Automatic Sock Foldin’ machine.

Now, with that in mind, feast your eyes on this:


click to get a bigger view.

Oh, yea! How about that? Pretty fuckin’ ingenious, right? How about a few close ups of the machine?


outside view


inside view

I'm tellin' ya, these designs just might win the Juice the Nobel peace prize. Or science prize. I can't fuckin' keep track. But, as soon as the Juice gets a free moment, I’m gonna start workin’ on it. And don’t any of you fucks try and steal my idear! I’m already in the process of gettin’ it patented. ‘Cause, believe you me, I don’t trust a one of ya's. Fuckin’ idear stealers. All of ya!