Pitch a Bitch: Donations

Ha! I bet you think I'm gonna bitch about makin' donations. And what a loser you are if you make a donation. And all the constant beggin' that goes on in this country. Dang does that shit get on the Juices nerves! But, no. Makin' donation is cool with the Juice. Real cool! No, the Juice has other sites in his sight. Or somethin' like that...

The Juice took the kids, and half the neighborhood, to a new super playground that recently opened. Now this playground has been in the works for years. I swear to the Christ, years! I’m not entirely sure the how’s and why’s, and nor do I care, but I believe the whole playground was built usin’ donations from peeps and companies alike. Sweet, huh?

The Juice has gotta admit that the place is fairly swanky. That is if playgrounds can be swanky. Now, I wouldn’t spend more than two minutes there if I didn’t have to, you know, with the kids and all. It’s fucking painful watchin’ them run around, havin’ a kick ass time. I guess the Juice is just jealous. Why isn’t there a place like that for adults? To run around, act like a fucking idiot. Say stupid, non-sensical stuff. I tell ya, the Juice would worship the fella who marries strip clubs and playgrounds together. That would be a grand, GRAND day! Just imagine…You’ve got the whores, the slides, the whores, the rock climbin’ wall, the whores…dang! It brings a tear to the Juice’s eye. Unfortunately, I have to digress…

Here’s the thing with the new super playground. Every little thing, from the swings to the flowers, has a plaque commemoratin' whoever “donated” said item. Yea…that’s right. Every fuck thing has a plaque on it. What the hell is that about? Are the places/people who donate this shit expectin’ kids to say “Hey, mommy, watch me go down the Home Depot slide” or “Mommy, mommy! I’m gonna play in the Uncle Bob’s Porno Palace sand box.” I can hear mothers (hot mothers, that is. the kind that wear short skirts without panties. and you know she's not wearin' panties, cause why would see? uhhh....this is beginnin' to sound like another post) callin' out to their kids: “Jimmy and Jenny! Ya’ll be careful on those KY Personal Lubrication Monkey bars. Ya hear me?” It’s ri-goddman-diculous.

Don’t get the Juice wrong. It’s great that these companies/people donated their time and money to such a cause. Hell, companies should do it more often. But, whatever happened to makin’ a donation for the hell of it? Does everyone need to know that Chuck’s Seagull Emporium: “We kill ‘im, you eat ‘em” donated a bench to the park? Shouldn’t the people who work at Chuck’s Seagull Emporium: “We kill ‘im, you eat ‘em” be happy with the feelin’ of makin’ a donation to a worthy cause? Do they really need their name in lights? Do the folks at Chuck’s have that big of ego’s that they need to let the kids know who donated the money to the slide their tiny asses are gracin' at that moment?

Why couldn’t the park managers put a plaque somewhere with a list of contributors? Now, the Juice don’t know plaid from stripes, but wouldn’t a plaque be a shade less tacky then havin’ every last item tagged with a name like a fuckin’ price tag?