The last Kingdom of Magic ain't for kids...
The last time we got together we we're talkin' about souvenirs and how kids work in conjuction with the folkels in Disney marketin' to totally mind fuck ya til ya break down and buy the kids whatever they want. For instance...
Do you see this thing? Do you? The Juice HATES these things. Talk about a complete waste of money! The kids, though, they love this shit. They eat it up. If something lights up, kids want it. And if it spins? Hol lee shit! Get the fuck out of the way. Now it’s double the reason to get it. And these fuckin’ things are all over Disney World. You can’t escape them. And ya can only tell the kids so many times they can’t have something. Especially when the things are everywhere you turn. So, what do you do? Ya, buck up and buy it.
The best part of these light up thingies is that the fuckers cost upwards of 15 bucks. Yea…you read that right. I’ll give you the opportunity to shove your peepers back into your noggin.
more shit that you'll end up buyin' at Walt Disney World
Now, if you’re unsmart enough to have more than one kid (and not follow the Juice advice of leavin’ them at home), be prepared to drop some serious coin on these things. Three of these light up thingies alone is a week's salary. And ya know that the Juice had to buy one for each of the kids when we were at Walt Disney World recently. Except for Lucifer, he’s still lil enough, and stupid enough, not to realize everyone else is gettin' somethin’, but he ain’t. No, no, no, no no! Don’t you feel sorry for him! It’s his own fault for being the baby. If Lucifer wanted the goods, he shouldn’t have come out last.
In any case, the kids are walkin’ around Disney World with these forsaken light up thingies. And the Juice is just loving life. ‘Cause everytime ya go on a ride, ya gotta tell the kids to hang onto their stupid light up thingies. “Cause, if ya lose it, I ain’t buyin’ ya another one!” I can’t tell ya how many times the Juice growled that one.
I gotta admit the kids managed to hang onto their light up thingies for awhile. Much longer than the Juice expected. But, you know what’s comin’, and it ain’t the Juice. One night while we were at the Magic Kingdom, Jethro left his light up thingie on Dumbo. Dang, was I pissed. More than usual. Of course, the Juice had to go back and try to find the fuckin' thing. You and I both know that I wasn’t gonna find it, but I had to make the attempt. First of all, it was late, they were shuttin’ down the park. Two, if ya see one of these things lyin’ around, it’s fuckin’ paydirt. You just saved yourself $15. So, you’re sure as shit gonna take it. As a wise man once uttered..."If you’re stupid enough to lose it, then you’re stupid enough to lose it." Third, ummmm…I don’t have a third.
After we realized that Jethro doesn't have his light up thingie, which was five minutes after we got off the ride, the Juice had to go In Search of.... I made my way up to the cast member mannin’ the Dumbo ride and related to him the Juice's quagmire. I swear to the Christ, this kid musta went to community college. Cause all I got outta him was “Duh….”. For all that supposed Disney trainin’ ya would’ve thought this kid would’ve been a bit more helpful. But, no. Although, I guess the Juice should be thankful that the douche bad let me go through the ride to try and find the fuckin' light up thingie. Needless to say, I didn’t find it. Surprised?
just seein’ if you’re payin attention
So, Jethro cried. And cried. Don’t you dare feel bad for him! I’ll tell ya what I told him: “Don’t waste your time gettin' married. Cause, believe you me, the pussy may be fine, and she might suck a dick like she invented dick suckin’, but you’ll get bored of her. Especially after she’s been yakin’ at ya for months straight about paintin’ the livin’ room for the 5th time in as many years.” The boy just gave me that confused, “what the fuck are you talkin’ about” look. I told him never mind as I marched right over to the next light up thingie cart, which was conveniently 5 ft away (cause Disney sets these carts even more conveniently 10 ft apart. Just in case ya missed it the first 17 times. Disney musta taken a page from Starbucks and Home Depot with stores every 2 ft). And bought the lil bastard another light up thingie.
Woooooooooo! Lights!
The Juice is happy to report that the light up thingie not only survived the rest of the vacation, but 6 months later, is still alive and kickin’! Talk about closure. I know you were gonna need it.
So…basically, that’s it! Those are the major reasons why not to take your kids to Walt Disney World. Sure, there are plenty of other reasons not to take them, but there all just variations of what’s already been said. For instance, do you have the stomach to eat at restaurants with your kids for a week straight? Seriously! Your kids barely behave at a restaurant at home, and you think you’re gonna have the intestinal fortitude to eat every meal with them at a restaurant? I don’t think you do.
the Juice could go on all day about Disney World, not doin’ stuff with your kids, and all the shit that’s happened to me while in the Vacation Destination of the World. But, I figure I’ve beaten this to death. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I’m sure when I run out of shit to write about, which has got to be any day now, I’ll be headin’ right back down this road…
Do you see this thing? Do you? The Juice HATES these things. Talk about a complete waste of money! The kids, though, they love this shit. They eat it up. If something lights up, kids want it. And if it spins? Hol lee shit! Get the fuck out of the way. Now it’s double the reason to get it. And these fuckin’ things are all over Disney World. You can’t escape them. And ya can only tell the kids so many times they can’t have something. Especially when the things are everywhere you turn. So, what do you do? Ya, buck up and buy it.
The best part of these light up thingies is that the fuckers cost upwards of 15 bucks. Yea…you read that right. I’ll give you the opportunity to shove your peepers back into your noggin.
more shit that you'll end up buyin' at Walt Disney World
Now, if you’re unsmart enough to have more than one kid (and not follow the Juice advice of leavin’ them at home), be prepared to drop some serious coin on these things. Three of these light up thingies alone is a week's salary. And ya know that the Juice had to buy one for each of the kids when we were at Walt Disney World recently. Except for Lucifer, he’s still lil enough, and stupid enough, not to realize everyone else is gettin' somethin’, but he ain’t. No, no, no, no no! Don’t you feel sorry for him! It’s his own fault for being the baby. If Lucifer wanted the goods, he shouldn’t have come out last.
In any case, the kids are walkin’ around Disney World with these forsaken light up thingies. And the Juice is just loving life. ‘Cause everytime ya go on a ride, ya gotta tell the kids to hang onto their stupid light up thingies. “Cause, if ya lose it, I ain’t buyin’ ya another one!” I can’t tell ya how many times the Juice growled that one.
I gotta admit the kids managed to hang onto their light up thingies for awhile. Much longer than the Juice expected. But, you know what’s comin’, and it ain’t the Juice. One night while we were at the Magic Kingdom, Jethro left his light up thingie on Dumbo. Dang, was I pissed. More than usual. Of course, the Juice had to go back and try to find the fuckin' thing. You and I both know that I wasn’t gonna find it, but I had to make the attempt. First of all, it was late, they were shuttin’ down the park. Two, if ya see one of these things lyin’ around, it’s fuckin’ paydirt. You just saved yourself $15. So, you’re sure as shit gonna take it. As a wise man once uttered..."If you’re stupid enough to lose it, then you’re stupid enough to lose it." Third, ummmm…I don’t have a third.
After we realized that Jethro doesn't have his light up thingie, which was five minutes after we got off the ride, the Juice had to go In Search of.... I made my way up to the cast member mannin’ the Dumbo ride and related to him the Juice's quagmire. I swear to the Christ, this kid musta went to community college. Cause all I got outta him was “Duh….”. For all that supposed Disney trainin’ ya would’ve thought this kid would’ve been a bit more helpful. But, no. Although, I guess the Juice should be thankful that the douche bad let me go through the ride to try and find the fuckin' light up thingie. Needless to say, I didn’t find it. Surprised?
just seein’ if you’re payin attention
So, Jethro cried. And cried. Don’t you dare feel bad for him! I’ll tell ya what I told him: “Don’t waste your time gettin' married. Cause, believe you me, the pussy may be fine, and she might suck a dick like she invented dick suckin’, but you’ll get bored of her. Especially after she’s been yakin’ at ya for months straight about paintin’ the livin’ room for the 5th time in as many years.” The boy just gave me that confused, “what the fuck are you talkin’ about” look. I told him never mind as I marched right over to the next light up thingie cart, which was conveniently 5 ft away (cause Disney sets these carts even more conveniently 10 ft apart. Just in case ya missed it the first 17 times. Disney musta taken a page from Starbucks and Home Depot with stores every 2 ft). And bought the lil bastard another light up thingie.
Woooooooooo! Lights!
The Juice is happy to report that the light up thingie not only survived the rest of the vacation, but 6 months later, is still alive and kickin’! Talk about closure. I know you were gonna need it.
So…basically, that’s it! Those are the major reasons why not to take your kids to Walt Disney World. Sure, there are plenty of other reasons not to take them, but there all just variations of what’s already been said. For instance, do you have the stomach to eat at restaurants with your kids for a week straight? Seriously! Your kids barely behave at a restaurant at home, and you think you’re gonna have the intestinal fortitude to eat every meal with them at a restaurant? I don’t think you do.
the Juice could go on all day about Disney World, not doin’ stuff with your kids, and all the shit that’s happened to me while in the Vacation Destination of the World. But, I figure I’ve beaten this to death. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I’m sure when I run out of shit to write about, which has got to be any day now, I’ll be headin’ right back down this road…
posted by the Juice at 9:00 PM
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