Cinderella's Revenge or The True Ending. Part 1

In honor of Disney releasin’ Cinderella on DVD on Tuesday, the Juice has for you a special treat. A re-write of the endin’! I know. I know what you’re thinkin’: “Why, the Juice? Why waste your time? Don’t you have a Glory of or somethin’ infinitely more entertainin’ then a re-write of Cinderella?” In fact, I do. But I’m sure you’ll find this equally entertainin’. If not you can always go fuck yourself.

So, why? Why a re-write? ‘Cause the endin’ always annoyed the hell outta me. How do I know Cinderella so well? Two of the Juice’s kids are girls. And what do little girls like, besides to talk their heads off? Cinderella. At one point, the Juice knew the words to that dang movie by heart. That movie got so worn out at the Brockman household, that I had to buy a second copy of it. So, the kids are hardcore.

If you’re unfamiliar with my infamous re-writes, and I don’t know how you would be, check out my version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Cinderella takes some serious abuse in this movie. Not, physical abuse, per se. But serious mind fuckin’. Her step family abuses her like a rented mule. And at the end, when the slipper fits, Cinderella just rides off into the sunset. ??????? What? Every time I suffer through that movie, I’m always slack jawed. Where’s the exactin’ of revenge? Where’s Cinderella’s scene of ass kickin’? I can tell you where it ain’t. It ain’t in the movie. But, but…here is where you will find it. Consider this the director’s cut of Cinderella. If the Juice was the director…

The story picks up right after the Cinderella’s stepmother trips the royal servant, breaking the glass slipper. She’s all happy with herself, bein’s the she just fucked Cinderella again. But, wait. Cinderella’s got an Ace up her sleeve, as it were. Cindy pulls out the other glass slipper. The royal servant takes the slipper and…

“It fits. A perfect fit!” The attendant exclaimed as he put the glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot.

Cinderella’s stepsisters stood beside their mother, as they watched the events unfold. They stared at each other a moment, utterly befuddled. Then, in near unison they cried out “But, but…Mother!”

“It…It can’t be.” The wicked stepmother stammered, shoving her fists into the air. “I won’t let it!”

Cinderella slowly rose out of the chair. The attendant, still at her feet instinctively moved back. “Oh. It can be.” She replied, standing at her full height. “And it is.”

With one fluid motion, Cinderella lept into the air, flipping herself behind her unknowing stepsisters. “Here, Drizella.” Cinderella said putting her hands on either side of Drizella’s face. “Let me show you all the work I did to the back of your dress.” A horrifying snap followed a quick movement of Cinderella’s hands. Drizella’s lifeless form collapsed to the floor.

Anastasia watched as Cinderella spun on her bare heel to face her. “No Cinderella!” She stammered shaking her head as she slowly backed away from Cinderella. “I didn’t mean any of it. Honestly.”

Cinderella frowned as she flattened the wrinkles out of her dingy apron. “I’m sure you had nothing to do with any of it Anastasia.” Cinderella said offering her hand out to her quivering stepsister.

Anastasia’s shaking hand reluctantly reached toward Cinderella’s outstretched peace offering. Before Anastasia’s hand touched hers, Cinderella grabbed her arm, forcefully pulling Anastasia to her. “I’m sure you had absolutely nothing to do with all the cleaning I had to do. Or the sewing. Or the cleaning of your clothes. Or the cleaning of your room. Or the cleaning of your disgusting bathroom.” Cinderella said through gritted teeth. “Just like I have nothing to do with kicking your ass right now.”

Still clutching her stepsister’s arm, Cinderella spun around again, this time on the heel of the glass slipper. She pulled her other leg close to her body, until she was completely facing Anastasia. Time seemed to stop for a moment as Cinderella’s eyes met her stepsister’s. At that moment, they both understood. Cinderella smirked, releasing her leg like a coiled spring. She drove her heel into Anastasia’s abdomen, throwing her into the air. Anastasia limp form crashed through an antique wooden table, pieces of wood and glass scattered all over the marble floor.

“Damn!” Cinderella said. “I just waxed that table today.” She paused for a moment to consider how many times over the years she had endlessly wiped down that table. Good riddance. “Oh, well.”

Wiping her hands, Cinderella walked past her gawking stepmother, ignoring her. “I’m ready to go.” She informed the Grand Duke. Noticing his unwillingness to move, Cinderella asked. “Is everything okay?”

Check out part 2.