Update...Retro: The Glory of...

Do yourself a favor, if you haven't read Retro: The Glory of... already, then do so. 'Cause this'll only ruin the fun of it all. Consider this a spoiler warnin'


I don’t go back and update posts very often. Well, that’s a total stretcher. I do it all the time. I just don’t tell ya that I’m doin’ it. After postin’ last nights Retro: The Glory of…I spoke to my buddy, Paco Reban. Paco’s got a love of porn that is as wide as the day is long. Now, I don’t want to say that Paco has a “problem”, but when you can measure your porn collection in Petabytes , then you might want to seek some counselin’. Or at least get another hobby. Now, if Paco didn’t go back and view whatever he downloads on a regular basis, then I might say he had a problem, but since he does that…then he’s alright by me. And to each his own, right? Who’s the Juice to judge? That’d by like you judgin’ the Juice ‘cause I like to wear woman’s pant…uhhh. Never mind. In any case, Paco mentioned a very important key that I missed about Sheena Easton. I’m almost embarrassed to say that I forgot about it, but hey…you try keepin’ an entertainin’ blog with 4 kids suckin the very soul out of ya day in and day out. See how funny you are…


So what did the Juice forget about? Only one of the sexiest songs ever. Sugar Walls. Here’s a sample of the lyrics:

Where I came from there's a place called heaven
That's the place where all the good children go
The houses are of silver, the streets are gold
But there's more where you come from, my sugar walls

Blood races to your private spots, that lets me know there's a fire
You can't fight passion when passion is hot
Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls

Chorus:
Lemme take you somewhere you've never been
I could show you things you've never seen
I could make you never wanna fall in love again
Come spend the night inside my sugar walls

Take advantage, it's alright

I feel so alive when I'm with you
Come and feel my presence, it's reigning tonight
Heaven on earth inside my sugar walls

I can tell you want me, it's impossible to hide
Your body's on fire, admit it! Come inside
Come inside my sugar walls
Come spend the night inside my sugar walls


These lyrics have the stink of Prince all over. Not that I would know what Prince’s stink is like. I like my woman a bit taller, and a bit more…how you say…stacked. After a quick drive by to the Farmington Hills Library and a 30 minute wait to get on the computer, the Juice is here to tell ya, that Prince wrote the song, hence the stink. And in case you were wonderin' Sugar Walls is a metaphor for her vagina. Betcha didn't know that!


Now as sexy as the song might be, Sheena was only comin’ out of her borin' Eddie Rabbit phase. She looked ok. And “The Glory of…”'s aren’t about lookin’ ok. If they were, then we’d be discussin’ chicks like Jennifer Aniston and those Olsen twins (What the deal with those 2 anyway? Is there somethin' creepy, almost soulless about them, or is it me? Kinda like those creepy twins in the Shining. Man, those twins were seriously fucked up! Believe you me, I don’t care how much money they’ve got, I wouldn't touch either one of the Olsen twins with a 10 foot pole. Unless the price was right. Then, I’d probably consider it). Which is probably the reason the Juice overlooked the song altogether. If you want to know about sexy songs…than go watch VH1. I’m sure they’re runnin’ yet another special on the top 61 sexiest songs backwards. If you want to know about sexy chicks, then keep it here. Just don’t point it at me.

But, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna put on Sugar Walls, look at some Sheena pics and pretend she’s singin’ to me, just like I did when I was a lil the Juice. Just as long as I can stop thinkin’ about Prince writin’ the words.