Avoid the Southern New Jersey Beaches at All Costs Part 4

by the Juice

Prologue Part 1 ,
Prologue Part 2 ,
Part 1 ,
Part 2 ,
Part 3

Now, I’m waitin' for my pizza. I’ve spent the last ten minutes gettin' food and drinks for the family. Just so the missus can keep the kidlings in line while the main course is cooked. Rather her than me, or so I thought. As I’m waitin' at the counter with the rest of the Mack and Manco lemmings, a gaggle of seagulls attacks a kid in a stroller, grab his slice of pizza and a war breaks out between all the seagulls. Wonderful! Only in New Jersey. I seriously dislike seagulls. I don’t want to blow my load here. I’m savin’ my bitch about seagulls for a later post. Don’t worry. It’ll be good. Why don’t you hold your breath…

After watchin’ the seagull/pizza massacre, I get my pizza and make my way back to the Promenade where the wife and kids are eatin’ the food that I bought from the lovely vendors at the Promenade. As I’m about to enter with my hot pizza, a “worker” stops me from enterin’. Now, callin’ this douche bag a worker is me bein’ very generous. He was a paid college kid. And by college kid, I’m sure he was more of a community college kid. Not that the Juice is knockin’ community colleges. I’m sure their fine institutions. For the smartly-impaired. Who’s the Juice to judge community colleges? It ain’t like I ever went to one…

Gettin' back to the douche bag college kid, I really shouldn’t shit all over the kid. He was just doin’ his job. And he should be real proud of that job of keepin’ people from bringin’ Mack and Manco pizza into their fine establishment.

To give you an idear of my transgression with said douche bag, check out below. It’s not like it’s an actual transcript, though, but you’ll get the idear…

I’m whistlin’ Dixie as I walk to the entrance of the Promenade. When…

“Uhhh…excuse me sir? You can’t go into the Promenade with that pizza” . The community college douche bag stops me.

I stare at him blankly. Obviously, this little turd hasn’t spent the last 15 minutes chasin’ down food, gettin' drinks and tryin’ to keep 4 lil kids happy all at the same time. My patience is a bit thin. Again, I guess the community college douche bag couldn’t tell that from the scowl on my face. After pushin’ the anger down as best I can, I speak up. “My family’s in there, though.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t bring the pizza in there.” the community college kid responds.

At this point, I’m pissed. Ain’t no pushin’ the anger down anymore. This ain’t now slow boil, here folks. “You don’t understand. My wife’s in there with my kids.”

The community college kids’ not givin in. “You can’t go in there with that pizza, sir.”

“But, I bought food from the Promenade.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t take a whole pizza pie from Mack and Manco’s in there.”

DDDDDDDdddddddddd. I’m about ready to throw the pizza in this fucker’s face. “You don’t seem to understand. My wife and four little kids are in there eatin’ food that I bought from the Promenade.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I’m just doin' me job” I can’t think for myself. I only go to community college. Derrrr…

I swear to the Chirst…“What am I suppose to do here?” I say to the community college clown. “I obviously can’t be two places at once. You know, physics and all. Care to clue me in on how I’m suppose to get my wife and four little kids out of the lovely Promenade and not take the pizza in?”

“You can leave it out here.” The community college fuck responds. Again…deerrr.

I slowly look around, there weren’t many places to put a box of pizza. And the places that were there, weren't all that safe. I mean, everyone would just walk right by a fresh box of pizza and leave it there. “Gee, that’s a real swell idea. Where would you like me to leave the it?”

“You can put it on the counter over here.” The asshole points to a counter behind him.

“Oh, is it alright for me to put a Mack and Manco pizza box on the counter of the Promenade? I mean, who knows what would happen, right? I don’t want you to get in trouble or anything. You’re just doin’ your job.”

“I’m sorry…”

“No. No. Don’t be sorry…” I toss the pizza on the counter. I’m fumin’. Dang, I’m pissed. I’m talkin’ cartoon angry. Imagine Yosemite Sam, only with a 15 inch dildo up his ass. Better yet, imagine Yosemite Sam gettin' a kidney stone sucked out by a quarter inch plastic tube thru his cock without any sedation. That’s about how pissed I was. “I realize you’re just doin’ your job here, but I’m gonna need somethin' to carry the food that I bought from the Promenade out of the Promenade.”

The douche bag grabs a tray and hands it to me. “You can use this.”

“Oh, I can?” I muster a great look of surprise. “Are you sure? Are you sure that’s alright with the Promenade? Wanna check with your supervisor first? That’s quite a decision to make…” I swipe the tray from him. I storm into the fuckin’ dive of a place. I must’ve knocked over three small kids on my way in. Serves them right for bein' in the Juice's way. If there was a small dog around, I would’ve kicked that fucker 50 yards easy..

I get to the table where the kids are fuckin’ nuts, as usual. “Let’s go.” I snarl at the missus.

“What? What is it? Where’s the pizza?" she asks. The missus must’ve known I was on the verge of somethin’ fierce.

“We’re not allowed to bring outside food into the sanctity that is the Promenade.” I said loud enough for everyone to hear. Not that they gave a fuck. I’m just another idiot on the verge of a breakdown.

“Where’s the pizza?” she asked again, gatherin’ everyone together.

“It’s on the counter out front. I couldn’t bring it in here.” I tell her throwin’ the food on the tray. If I was somewhat rational at the time, I would’ve made a bigger fuss and returned all the food and drinks I bought from the vendors of the fuckin’ hole.


Tomorrow: Believe it or not, more!