The Glory of...Gwen Stefani
by the Juice
I’ve been thinkin’ long and hard about Gwen Stefani for this installment of “The Glory of…. “ and believe you me, as often as I can. ‘Specially when no one’s around. And I’ve got the whole TV to myself. I put on that vide….Whoa! Hold it! I’m jumpin’ the gun here. I almost gave the whole dang thing away. Damn! Talk about premature ejaculation.
From the very unscientific polls I’ve been runnin', it seems to me that you’re either into Gwen Stefani or not. There doesn’t seem to be much of a middle ground. Some can’t get into her bleached blonde hair, some say that she’s too “tom-boyish”, most can’t get beyond her rather annoyin' music. So when I considered Ms. Stefani for an installment “The Glory of…”, I felt like I had my work cut out for me. I knew there was something sexy about her, but to convince you pervs out there I knew was gonna take some convincin’. I did a few searches on the internets about Gwen at the Farmington Hills Library. The pics I was findin’ were ok. I mean, sure, I’d crank to them, but I didn’t think they were quality enough to convince you non believers out there what lays beneath that high octane, pseudo – Cyndi Lauper on steroids exterior of hers.
Personally, I’ve always had a thing for her. She is, though, atypical of the kind of gal that gets my 10 – w40 flowin. As you can tell from prior installments of “The Glory of…”( Salma , Jessica ), I’m more about the wicked hot chick with the wicked hot body. That’s not to say that Gwen isn’t wicked hot. But, she isn’t about the glamour. You know the look I’m talkin’ about. That air brushed, high polished Playboy model-type look that makes you think what Mac truck hit a particular gal when you see her in person at your local comic book convention. But, that ain’t Gwen’s look. Although she was pretty sweet lookin’ in that Aviator movie when she played Jean Harlow.
Then there the whole age thing. Gwen’s pushing 35 these days (but she’s a very FINE 35. I’d still give her a go every day of the week including Sunday and Arbor Day. And, I’d even thank her for it), but that’s definitely out of my rather limited target age of 19 – 22 years old.
My other big drawback to Gwen is the lack of boobs. I read recently that some scientician theorizes that she had some work done and now she’s a C cup. I’ve got 2 words for that scientician. No fucking way. She’s as flat as the day is long. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, if Gwen did a “The Glory of…Bruce Brockman” on her blog, I’m sure she ain’t gonna be writin’ on the formidable length and girth of my cock. I mean, if she did, I would certainly be happy with that. But, she’d be lyin'. I’d surely would send her a substantial check in the mail if she did put that kinda press out there for me. Hell, I’d be happy if anyone wrote anything about the Juice. Small cock, or otherwise. But, that is not my point here. My point is, I’m usually into gals who have something of a rack going on. Bein's that Ms. Stefani doesn’t, there must be something else about her that appealin’ her to me. Something strong enough for me to by-pass writin' about other severely hot chicks before her. What could it be? What could it be, indeed. And then (hang on. Let me take a deep breath here . thanks I needed that.), and then out came this:
Whoa...
God damn!!!
Lets not forget about this…
Or this…
Or this...
She's hot and she knows it.
She's got the sweetest backside I have not had the pleasure of seeing bare in a long time. Or whatever. You know what I mean. I'm all flustered.
Yea, that stupid Hollaback Girl song has a video to go along with it that's better than The Hut's Pan Pizza. Who ever came up with the idea of puttin' Gwen in that outfit deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor. Or at least the Nobel Prize for Almost Porn. I leave you with this partin' image:
I’ve been thinkin’ long and hard about Gwen Stefani for this installment of “The Glory of…. “ and believe you me, as often as I can. ‘Specially when no one’s around. And I’ve got the whole TV to myself. I put on that vide….Whoa! Hold it! I’m jumpin’ the gun here. I almost gave the whole dang thing away. Damn! Talk about premature ejaculation.
From the very unscientific polls I’ve been runnin', it seems to me that you’re either into Gwen Stefani or not. There doesn’t seem to be much of a middle ground. Some can’t get into her bleached blonde hair, some say that she’s too “tom-boyish”, most can’t get beyond her rather annoyin' music. So when I considered Ms. Stefani for an installment “The Glory of…”, I felt like I had my work cut out for me. I knew there was something sexy about her, but to convince you pervs out there I knew was gonna take some convincin’. I did a few searches on the internets about Gwen at the Farmington Hills Library. The pics I was findin’ were ok. I mean, sure, I’d crank to them, but I didn’t think they were quality enough to convince you non believers out there what lays beneath that high octane, pseudo – Cyndi Lauper on steroids exterior of hers.
Personally, I’ve always had a thing for her. She is, though, atypical of the kind of gal that gets my 10 – w40 flowin. As you can tell from prior installments of “The Glory of…”( Salma , Jessica ), I’m more about the wicked hot chick with the wicked hot body. That’s not to say that Gwen isn’t wicked hot. But, she isn’t about the glamour. You know the look I’m talkin’ about. That air brushed, high polished Playboy model-type look that makes you think what Mac truck hit a particular gal when you see her in person at your local comic book convention. But, that ain’t Gwen’s look. Although she was pretty sweet lookin’ in that Aviator movie when she played Jean Harlow.
Then there the whole age thing. Gwen’s pushing 35 these days (but she’s a very FINE 35. I’d still give her a go every day of the week including Sunday and Arbor Day. And, I’d even thank her for it), but that’s definitely out of my rather limited target age of 19 – 22 years old.
My other big drawback to Gwen is the lack of boobs. I read recently that some scientician theorizes that she had some work done and now she’s a C cup. I’ve got 2 words for that scientician. No fucking way. She’s as flat as the day is long. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, if Gwen did a “The Glory of…Bruce Brockman” on her blog, I’m sure she ain’t gonna be writin’ on the formidable length and girth of my cock. I mean, if she did, I would certainly be happy with that. But, she’d be lyin'. I’d surely would send her a substantial check in the mail if she did put that kinda press out there for me. Hell, I’d be happy if anyone wrote anything about the Juice. Small cock, or otherwise. But, that is not my point here. My point is, I’m usually into gals who have something of a rack going on. Bein's that Ms. Stefani doesn’t, there must be something else about her that appealin’ her to me. Something strong enough for me to by-pass writin' about other severely hot chicks before her. What could it be? What could it be, indeed. And then (hang on. Let me take a deep breath here . thanks I needed that.), and then out came this:
Whoa...
God damn!!!
Lets not forget about this…
Or this…
Or this...
She's hot and she knows it.
She's got the sweetest backside I have not had the pleasure of seeing bare in a long time. Or whatever. You know what I mean. I'm all flustered.
Yea, that stupid Hollaback Girl song has a video to go along with it that's better than The Hut's Pan Pizza. Who ever came up with the idea of puttin' Gwen in that outfit deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor. Or at least the Nobel Prize for Almost Porn. I leave you with this partin' image:
I'm sorry. No band chick has EVER been this hot...
Epilogue:
Ya'know, I thought I was done. I had this article written days in advance. The pics loaded. I was ready to go. A free weekend of crankin' to Hollaback Girl, then just before I'm leavin' Bubba's Bar N Grill for the night, Gwen Stefani's new video comes on SuckAss Hollywood, or whatever they call that show with the mega hot babe Nancy O'Dell (hmmmm...note to self, future "The Glory of..."?). So now I gotta spend the whole fuck weekend looking for pics from this new video. Worry not, grasshopper. I found them. And she's worth it. No. She's clothed. But she is sweet...
and...
oh, just in case you forgot
posted by the Juice at 7:54 PM
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