Emails: 7/20

I’m constantly surprised by the continuous emails I get. Well, my surprise is within a context. I’m not surprised by all the “hate” mail I get. That I expect. What surprises me is the sheer volume of non “hate” mail I get. I can't get over that anyone wastes their time readin' this shit. ‘Specially since I’m only doin' this to pay off some community service. Which is another show, entirely. But, enough about me. Tonight, this is all about beautiful you.


First letter comes from W_Riker. He/She/It writes:


Hey Juice. I see you refer to Happy Days a few times in your posts. Was the Fonz really that cool?

Yea…I’m a big fan of Happy Days. I can’t tell you why, either. And let me be perfectly Frank here, I haven’t seen Happy Days since it went off the air in the early 80’s. I would say that I’ve got fond memories of Happy Days. It’s probably a big dated suckfest today, though. But, to answer your question. Yea, I think the Fonz was pretty cool. Up until he grew that beard. After that, he was standin’ on the corner of Cock and Sucker. And don’t even get me started on that teachin’ bit he started. Talk about a pussy.



I also had a thing for Joannie. Man, did I have a thing for her. And not when she was a kid, either. You perverts. Besides, even if I did have a thing for her when she was a kid (which I didn’t, I like my females old. But not that old. Fuck! You know what I mean!) it would’ve been alright, ‘cause I was a kid. But, no, I had the hots for Joannie when she was older. You know, right around that Joannie Loves Chachi thing. My grandma used to get those stupid supermarket rags like The Enquirer Magazine and The I Don’t Have Anything Better to Do With My Life but Read Untrue Stories About Elvis Fucking Aliens from Arcadia Magazines. I remember one time (in band camp) they had a “sexy” pic of Joannie in one of those mags. And by “sexy” I mean she had a button down shirt on that had one button (one fucking button!), unbuttoned. Talk about risqué. C'mon. Where was the bikini shot? I wanted to see those boobs! You couldn't even see cleavage in that picture. Anyway, I cut the unsexy pic of Joannie out and pasted it to some construction paper. I must’ve cranked to that pic a hundred thousands times. Or, I would’ve. If I wasn’t 7 at the time and knew what crankin’ was.

Krackedzack writes in:

Brucethejuice! How come you don’t post more often? Your stuff is funny, but you only post once or twice a week. What’s the deal?



Well, Krackedzack, the deal is thus… Do you know how hard it is to keep a blog up without a computer? I gotta walk down to the Farmington Hills library, sign up to use the computer and do my post. It’s a pain in the ass. And forget scannin’ pics. I’ve gotta go 2 towns over to my brother in laws to use a scanner. And this ain’t one of those streamlined scanners, either. This sucker is the size of an MRI machine. It takes a dang hour for the machine to warm up!


So, I do the best that I can with the resources that I’ve got. Until you donate thousands of dollars to the blog, I suggest you contact the Dissertation Station complaint center. Oh, what’s that? You say you can’t find it? You can’t find any link to the Complaint center? That’s ‘cause there ain’t one, Douche Bag. But, feel free to go ahead and fuck yourself


And finally MarshallTuckerTree checks in again:



Hey Juice. I emailed you last week. I asked if you had pics of your lawyer, wife and kids. I asked ‘cause I think that people would like to see those pics. Do you think you could post some them? Or do I have to spell that out to? You really aren’t too bright are you?



My father used to ask me that all the time. Actually, he didn’t so much ask me as tell me that I wasn’t too bright. But, thanks for asking anyway. To get to the point, if you wanted to see pictures all you had to do was ask. Duh. I figured I’d start out with some pics of the fam. Only because they were layin’ around. I’ve got some pics of my lawyer and my buddy Paco Reban from my lawyer’s Christmas party last year. Once I figure out how to get the film out of the missus’ digital camera, I’ll get them developed, have them scanned and I’ll post them for your viewin’ pleasure.

In the meantime enjoy some personal photos. Here’s a family portrait.




You can check out more family snapshots by clicking

HERE.

But, whatever you do, don't click here.


Well, that’s it for today. Keep sendin’ those emails, if you must. And would it kill you to throw a check or two into those emails? Better make it money orders. I don’t accept personal checks.