Tales from the Vacation Part 3.1 out of Too Many
by the Juice
I’m just warnin’ ya. This is a long one. I’m gonna split this sucker into 2 parts. The story's not really that long. It’s just that I’m ramblin’ type mood.
For those of you showin’ up late, here’s part 1 and part 2.
Our story picks up on our first full day at Disney World. After havin’ breakfast at the Polynesian, we finally made our way to the Magic Kingdom. We took the advice of a friendly cast member at the restaurant that we ate at the night before. The bastard…er…cast member said to avoid goin' to Magic Kingdom on Monday and Tuesday. It’s generally the most crowded days or so he said. So, we changed our plans and went to Magic Kingdom on Sunday. Because we had breakfast, we didn’t get to the park until after 11:00. And believe you me, it was packed! Great advice food servin' cast member fuck!
The Juice havin' a kick arse time! Jealous?
So needless to say, we didn’t get much done in the afternoon. And it was hot (See here for why it was so hot). After only goin' on about 3 rides in 4 hours, we decided to get somethin' to eat. There’s a new Chinese food place in Tomorrowland, called Noodle Station, that I really wanted to try. So, after a yet another heated debate with the missus, we got food for ourselves at the Noodle Station and got food for the kids at Casey’s Corner.
The Juice in front of Cinderella's Castle. Someone needs to brush up on their photography skills
After coming back from Casey’s with the kid’s food, I sat down to my bowl of some sort of Chinese food. Don’t ask me what it was, ‘cause I forget at this point. I know it involved chicken, though. After a few bites of my dinner, and a fight to try the missus’ Thai shrimp fuck bowl, I realize I hadn’t gone #1 since our flight 2 days prior, so I figured then was as good as any other time to relieve the ol’ bladder. So, I takes the 5 minute stroll to the Tomorrowland bathrooms. After takin’ care of business, I gave my look a quick peek in the mirror. Whoa! I says to myself. That’s quite a sunburn I got. My face was a shade of pink I hadn’t seen since my girlfriend Melissa took off her panties and…well you get the idea.
Artist representation of the Juice
I made my way back up to where my crew was eatin'. I had a little conversation with the missus that went a lil somethin' like this:
“Hey, honey.” I called out to her as I made my way thru the restaurant. “Why, didn’t you tell me I was gettin’ burnt?”
She looked up from her noodle bowl, food hangin’ out of her face. “What?” she tried to mumble.
Nice. I thought to myself. I bet Jessica Simpson doesn’t talk with her mouth full of food.
She can talk with her mouth full of food any dang time she wants.
“I said how come you didn’t tell me I was gettin' burnt?” Sure, I gave her a lot of ‘tude.
The missus swallowed her food. “I didn’t notice.” She said shakin’ her head back and forth. Believe me when I tell ya, it’s never good to interrupt the missus while she’s eatin’
“Well, It would’ve been nice if you told me I was gettin' burnt.”
The missus slammed her fork down on the table. “I just told you, I didn’t notice.”
I think at this point the folks around us were startin’ to stare. “What’re ya’ll lookin’ at?” I yelled to the nosy folks. “Mind your own business. Go back to your delicious bowls of Chinese food.” I turned back to the missus. “No, shit you didn’t notice! I’m just sayin’ if you’d pay attention once in awhile…” I can tell ya, that one was gonna get me in some hot H2O
“Pay attention? Maybe if you tried lookin’ after at least one of your children once in awhile, I would be able to look at somethin’ else.”
“Whatever…” I responded movin’ to my seat.
“Whatever is right.” She hissed throwin' a few open packets of Soy Sauce at me. “Don’t bother sittin’ down, Bruce. Jethro has to go to the bathroom.”
I stood there stunned for a moment. Didn’t I announce a few moments ago that I was goin' to the bathroom? Didn’t I just get back from the bathroom? “Oh, he can wait…”
“Mommmyyyyy.” The little turd whined.
“Bruce!” The missus snarled.
“Alright, alright.” I said, grabbin' the boy. “Let’s go.” I flipped her the bird as I left the table. I did this ‘cause I knew she wasn’t lookin’, her face inches from the bowl. Or I’d probably be wearin' the contents of the entire table.
So, I take the boy to the bathroom. Yea, I was cursin’ the whole way. You would to if your bowl of noodles was gettin' cold and the woman you should’ve married 10 years ago turned out to be a super hot super model makin’ money hand over super hot big boob. But, once again, I gotta fight the crowds to the bathroom.
The kid made it to the bathroom in time. While he’s takin’ care of his business, I give myself another once over in the mirror again. And let me tell you, I wasn’t happy with what I saw.
Not a very good artist representation of the Juice
I’d like to say that I remained calm, but the thought of blisters breakin’ out all over the loveliness that is my face, didn’t have any kinda appeal to me. I grabbed Jethro (don’t worry he was done peein’, but the trail of water he left from washin’ his hands must’ve really pissed off the Disney World janitorial staff). I fought my way back thru the crowds again, dropped the boy off with the missus and headed across Main Street to the infirmary. The missus yelled somethin’ at me. But, to be honest I didn’t hear a fuck word she said.
On my way over to the infirmary, I thought of every excuse to tell whoever was gonna greet me at the door. Believe you me, I couldn’t think of anythin’ good. Looks like I was playin’ the fool again. I get into the infirmary and explained my situation to the attendant. I told her I think that I have sunburn, but I might be havin' a reaction to somethin’ I ate. (I don’t know where on the Christ's blue planet that came from). The look of disgust on the attendant’s face would have been priceless if it had been anyone but me. She pointed out, very annoyed, that I wasn’t even wearin' a hat (and mess up the mullet? what the heck was the matter with her?). I apologized profusely. Although, I’m not sure why I was apologizin' to her. I mean, I did this to myself.
I explained I had several children and “forgot” to put any kind of protection on my face (but we all know how I feel about sunblock. She shook her head with such disgust that I swear it was leavin' motion line of anger. She asked me what I wanted. All the sudden it’s a buffet? Well, I’ll take the lobster, filet mignon…JUST GET ME SOME ALOE AND ADVIL YOU DUMB WHORE. Of course I didn’t put it quite that way…but you get the point. While she was gettin' my fixin’s I called back to her and asked for some Benedryl…
Next time:
I didn’t actually nail the attendant. Or anyone for that matter.
I’m just warnin’ ya. This is a long one. I’m gonna split this sucker into 2 parts. The story's not really that long. It’s just that I’m ramblin’ type mood.
For those of you showin’ up late, here’s part 1 and part 2.
Our story picks up on our first full day at Disney World. After havin’ breakfast at the Polynesian, we finally made our way to the Magic Kingdom. We took the advice of a friendly cast member at the restaurant that we ate at the night before. The bastard…er…cast member said to avoid goin' to Magic Kingdom on Monday and Tuesday. It’s generally the most crowded days or so he said. So, we changed our plans and went to Magic Kingdom on Sunday. Because we had breakfast, we didn’t get to the park until after 11:00. And believe you me, it was packed! Great advice food servin' cast member fuck!
The Juice havin' a kick arse time! Jealous?
So needless to say, we didn’t get much done in the afternoon. And it was hot (See here for why it was so hot). After only goin' on about 3 rides in 4 hours, we decided to get somethin' to eat. There’s a new Chinese food place in Tomorrowland, called Noodle Station, that I really wanted to try. So, after a yet another heated debate with the missus, we got food for ourselves at the Noodle Station and got food for the kids at Casey’s Corner.
The Juice in front of Cinderella's Castle. Someone needs to brush up on their photography skills
After coming back from Casey’s with the kid’s food, I sat down to my bowl of some sort of Chinese food. Don’t ask me what it was, ‘cause I forget at this point. I know it involved chicken, though. After a few bites of my dinner, and a fight to try the missus’ Thai shrimp fuck bowl, I realize I hadn’t gone #1 since our flight 2 days prior, so I figured then was as good as any other time to relieve the ol’ bladder. So, I takes the 5 minute stroll to the Tomorrowland bathrooms. After takin’ care of business, I gave my look a quick peek in the mirror. Whoa! I says to myself. That’s quite a sunburn I got. My face was a shade of pink I hadn’t seen since my girlfriend Melissa took off her panties and…well you get the idea.
Artist representation of the Juice
I made my way back up to where my crew was eatin'. I had a little conversation with the missus that went a lil somethin' like this:
“Hey, honey.” I called out to her as I made my way thru the restaurant. “Why, didn’t you tell me I was gettin’ burnt?”
She looked up from her noodle bowl, food hangin’ out of her face. “What?” she tried to mumble.
Nice. I thought to myself. I bet Jessica Simpson doesn’t talk with her mouth full of food.
She can talk with her mouth full of food any dang time she wants.
“I said how come you didn’t tell me I was gettin' burnt?” Sure, I gave her a lot of ‘tude.
The missus swallowed her food. “I didn’t notice.” She said shakin’ her head back and forth. Believe me when I tell ya, it’s never good to interrupt the missus while she’s eatin’
“Well, It would’ve been nice if you told me I was gettin' burnt.”
The missus slammed her fork down on the table. “I just told you, I didn’t notice.”
I think at this point the folks around us were startin’ to stare. “What’re ya’ll lookin’ at?” I yelled to the nosy folks. “Mind your own business. Go back to your delicious bowls of Chinese food.” I turned back to the missus. “No, shit you didn’t notice! I’m just sayin’ if you’d pay attention once in awhile…” I can tell ya, that one was gonna get me in some hot H2O
“Pay attention? Maybe if you tried lookin’ after at least one of your children once in awhile, I would be able to look at somethin’ else.”
“Whatever…” I responded movin’ to my seat.
“Whatever is right.” She hissed throwin' a few open packets of Soy Sauce at me. “Don’t bother sittin’ down, Bruce. Jethro has to go to the bathroom.”
I stood there stunned for a moment. Didn’t I announce a few moments ago that I was goin' to the bathroom? Didn’t I just get back from the bathroom? “Oh, he can wait…”
“Mommmyyyyy.” The little turd whined.
“Bruce!” The missus snarled.
“Alright, alright.” I said, grabbin' the boy. “Let’s go.” I flipped her the bird as I left the table. I did this ‘cause I knew she wasn’t lookin’, her face inches from the bowl. Or I’d probably be wearin' the contents of the entire table.
So, I take the boy to the bathroom. Yea, I was cursin’ the whole way. You would to if your bowl of noodles was gettin' cold and the woman you should’ve married 10 years ago turned out to be a super hot super model makin’ money hand over super hot big boob. But, once again, I gotta fight the crowds to the bathroom.
The kid made it to the bathroom in time. While he’s takin’ care of his business, I give myself another once over in the mirror again. And let me tell you, I wasn’t happy with what I saw.
Not a very good artist representation of the Juice
I’d like to say that I remained calm, but the thought of blisters breakin’ out all over the loveliness that is my face, didn’t have any kinda appeal to me. I grabbed Jethro (don’t worry he was done peein’, but the trail of water he left from washin’ his hands must’ve really pissed off the Disney World janitorial staff). I fought my way back thru the crowds again, dropped the boy off with the missus and headed across Main Street to the infirmary. The missus yelled somethin’ at me. But, to be honest I didn’t hear a fuck word she said.
On my way over to the infirmary, I thought of every excuse to tell whoever was gonna greet me at the door. Believe you me, I couldn’t think of anythin’ good. Looks like I was playin’ the fool again. I get into the infirmary and explained my situation to the attendant. I told her I think that I have sunburn, but I might be havin' a reaction to somethin’ I ate. (I don’t know where on the Christ's blue planet that came from). The look of disgust on the attendant’s face would have been priceless if it had been anyone but me. She pointed out, very annoyed, that I wasn’t even wearin' a hat (and mess up the mullet? what the heck was the matter with her?). I apologized profusely. Although, I’m not sure why I was apologizin' to her. I mean, I did this to myself.
I explained I had several children and “forgot” to put any kind of protection on my face (but we all know how I feel about sunblock. She shook her head with such disgust that I swear it was leavin' motion line of anger. She asked me what I wanted. All the sudden it’s a buffet? Well, I’ll take the lobster, filet mignon…JUST GET ME SOME ALOE AND ADVIL YOU DUMB WHORE. Of course I didn’t put it quite that way…but you get the point. While she was gettin' my fixin’s I called back to her and asked for some Benedryl…
Next time:
I didn’t actually nail the attendant. Or anyone for that matter.
posted by the Juice at 11:02 PM
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