An Open Letter (to a landlord)

by the Juice

Yea, Yea, Yea. The bitch is back.

Betcha thought I was never comin’ back. C’mon. Admit it. You were thinkin’ “I don’t think that Bruce will ever return.” Well, I guess I proved you wrong. Didn’t I? So, you can now stop sendin’ your damn emails. Okay?

Alright, let’s set the record straight. I heard all the rumors. I didn’t get lost on my way back from Disney. I didn’t wake up in a tub full of ice with my liver cut out after boozin’ all night with a couple of hookers (although, at this point, boozin’ with a couple of hookers sounds mighty fine). And I didn’t take the Mickey cyanide pill. I just haven’t been able to pull it together since we got back. I just haven’t felt like writin’ anything. It’s my fuckin’ blog, anyway. It’s not like any of you hose-heads pay me to write this shit. Would it kill you to show some appreciation and send a couple bucks my way? What do I got to do? Beg like a bitch? Well, fucketh thateth.

It’s not like a got nothin’ to say, either. Oh. I got plenty to say. I’ve got vacation stories out the arse. Like how yours truly endin’ up at the infirmary. Or how only bad motherfuckers get pulled over in Disney World. Plus, plenty of other shit. And pics! I got plenty of vacation pics to share. Plus, the regular BS this damn website has become famous for. But, I like I said, I just haven’t been there. I’d like to say that I was doing some sort of soul searchin’, but I sold my soul to the man long ago.

But, enough about the past. Now’s the now! I’ve got new stories. New rants. All kinds of crazy ass shit for you. Well, not really. Same old shit. But, kinda different. Anyway, I know I made some promises in the past. About new people coming on board. I’m pretty sure that’s all still gonna happen. I’ve pretty much convinced Zip that he’s worthless, and won’t amount to a hill of shit. So, needless to say, he’s back. Truth be told, he never left. He’s been waiting for me to get my ass into gear.

With all that being said, here’s the drill. We’ve got an article from Zip coming up. Then we’ll fly right into vacation stories and pictures. Then I’ll finish the Disney World ain’t for kids. Then who the fuck knows! That’s the fun of it!