Why Star Wars is Great!!!!
So many things have been written about Star Wars over the years, that I’m fairly positive everythin’s been discussed to death. Even the Juice has had a few things to say about Star Wars already. Consider this post the Empire Strikes Back to this post. So, what could I possibly add that hasn’t been said by the Juice or anyone else for that matter? Nothin', really. I’m the first to admit it. But, I’m bored, and I gotta write a post to entertain you miserable…er valued, yea valued readers. So, what the hell!!! Besides I ain’t forcin’ ya to read it. And you certainly ain’t payin’ me a membership fee. Right? Ever hear the “expression you get what you pay for”? Or how about this nugget: “Shit costs money.” So…if you don’t want to read this post, you can always click that fancy-dancy “Next Blog” button up top. Oh, if you do click that button, don’t forget to go fuck yourself.
Before I start, let’s get somethin’ straight. The Juice is only discussin’ the first 3 movies. Not the first 3 movies of the series, but the last three. Uhhh…What I mean is the original trilogy (OT). I won’t get into the travesty that is the new trilogy (PT) here. That’s another post of it’s own. Several posts, really. However, as bad as the PT maybe, it’s still yards ahead of that Lord of the Rings car wreck. And believe you me, I ain’t apologizin’ to my Lord of the Rings readers. If they don’t like it, they can go fuck themselves. Dang, this post is turnin’ into a real fuck yourself fest.
So, why is Star Wars so great? It just is. Simple enough, right? But, I’m sure that’s not enough for you. You look like you need some convincin’. ‘Cause like everyone else in my life, you just can’t just take my word for it. Noooo…..you need proof. Well, here’s your friggin’ proof…
Is it the special effects? Na. Sure the effects were state of the art back then, but effects a movie don’t make. What about the really cool space scenes? Na. It’s the same with the special effects. Yea…the ships are cool. The tie fighters, the x-wings, the Falcon. All dancin’ around. Sure, they’re all cool. But, so were the ships of Battlestar Gallactica. And we all know that show blew major donkey wang.
Well, what about the characters? You can’t have a good story without good characters. But, for the Juice at least, what makes Star Wars great ain’t about the characters, either. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There ain’t one character that the Juice is attached to like some of those freaks out there. Like all those crazy dudes that worship Boba Fett. I mean, c’mon! The dude had practically no lines across all 6 movies. What is it about Boba Fett? The armor? Or is it that he’s a “bounty hunter”? I’m a bettin’ man. I’d be willin’ to wager dollars to donuts that all the geeks out there who love Boba Fett so dang much really fell in love with the words “bounty hunter.” Cause they’ve got nothin’ else in their sad, pathetic, live in their parent’s basements lives. Might as well pretend to be a bounty hunter, right? That’s why the nerds all worship Fett. That and the braided wookies scalps. But, anyway…
I WAS a big fan of the Jedi, like Yoda and Obi-Wan. The whole Jedi “thing” seemed fairly cool, even if the whole thing was fairly contradictory. The prequels, however, ruined the mystique of the Jedi order. You can read some of my thoughts of that here. Not only ruinin’ what the OT established the Jedi to be, but makin’ them look like a bunch of Mr. Spocks, with cool lazer swords.
As for the rest of the major characters, Han was cool through the first 2 movies, then suddenly he lost one of his nuts in Return of the Jedi (my apologies if I offended any of my one nut readers out there). Talk about a neutered dog! As for Leia, Chewie, R2, C3PO, Lando and the rest? Just there to move the story along, as far as I’m concerned.
I know. I know what you’re thinkin’ What about Vader and Luke? You forgot all about them, the Juice.” No I didn’t ya moron. I’m just addressin’ them separately, OK? I’m drivin’ the car here. How about lettin’ me write the dang post? As for Vader. I gotta admit, Darth Vader WAS a bad motherfucker. And scary? Dude, was he scary. But, again, the Prequels ruined all that. Now anytime I see Vader, I can’t help but think of the whiney baby that’s inside that suit. Dang! And I thought Luke was whiney. Apparently not only is the force strong in the Skywalker family, but so is bein’ a lil bitch.
And what of Luke? Well, much of that has again already been written here. Suffice it to say that Luke is by far the most interestin’ character in Star Wars universe. I guess that’s cause it’s his story. Now, I know that Lucas has said that Star Wars is about Anakin. And I guess that’s true. But, the OT is really Luke’s story.
So, if it’s not the effects, the ships or characters then what is it about Star Wars? Do, I have to beat you over the head with it? I pretty much just spelled it out for ya, already. It’s the story! Duh!!!! Sometimes, I gotta wonder about my readers. It’s a great god-damn story!!! You’ve got a farmboy, a guru, the hired hand, a princess and one very bad motherfucker. It’s classic. It’s pure genius. The only thing that Star Wars is missin’ is hot chicks in wet-T shirts. Which, we almost had with Leia fallin’ in the trash compactor. Next time, George. Next time.
It just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter much about the special effects, crappy dialogue or whatever. It’s the story that counts.
Sure, there are things I’d change about the movies. I pretty much leavin’ A New Hope alone. If I could take the swanky 70’s style out of it, I would, but story-wise, I’m leavin’ it alone. Empire Strikes Back? Man, I getta bone just thinkin’ about it. Best Movie Ever? I dare say so. If not, then it’s definitely top 3. As for Return of the Jedi, some of the best parts of the series are in that movie. Luke facin’ Vader? Powerful fuckin’ shit!!!! But some of the worst parts are also in Jedi. Ewoks? The Juice has always somewhat defended the Ewoks. I don’t know why, either. I’m certainly not a fan of them. In fact, I end up fast forwardin’ most of their scenes. Maybe it’s the part where C3PO tells the Star Wars story to the Ewoks that almost saves the concept of the Ewoks. Almost. I get why Lucas put the Ewoks in the movie. You know, the whole technology v. anti-technology thing. And how the whole anti-technology thing wins out. But…the Ewoks still suck.
The other thing I would change about Jedi is the whole 2nd Death Star thing. Don’t you think that the Empire might’ve gone with a different design? Especially since they were so embarrassed by that lil rebel ship blowin’ up the first Death Star. I say yes. So…I don’t have a viable alternative for the story. And you know how I love to scenes from movies. Remember my take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? As soon as I come up with one, I’ll let you and Lucas know.
I’m not sure I persuaded anyone why Star Wars is great. We could’ve save ourselves a lot of time if you would’ve just taken my word for it.
Before I start, let’s get somethin’ straight. The Juice is only discussin’ the first 3 movies. Not the first 3 movies of the series, but the last three. Uhhh…What I mean is the original trilogy (OT). I won’t get into the travesty that is the new trilogy (PT) here. That’s another post of it’s own. Several posts, really. However, as bad as the PT maybe, it’s still yards ahead of that Lord of the Rings car wreck. And believe you me, I ain’t apologizin’ to my Lord of the Rings readers. If they don’t like it, they can go fuck themselves. Dang, this post is turnin’ into a real fuck yourself fest.
So, why is Star Wars so great? It just is. Simple enough, right? But, I’m sure that’s not enough for you. You look like you need some convincin’. ‘Cause like everyone else in my life, you just can’t just take my word for it. Noooo…..you need proof. Well, here’s your friggin’ proof…
Is it the special effects? Na. Sure the effects were state of the art back then, but effects a movie don’t make. What about the really cool space scenes? Na. It’s the same with the special effects. Yea…the ships are cool. The tie fighters, the x-wings, the Falcon. All dancin’ around. Sure, they’re all cool. But, so were the ships of Battlestar Gallactica. And we all know that show blew major donkey wang.
Well, what about the characters? You can’t have a good story without good characters. But, for the Juice at least, what makes Star Wars great ain’t about the characters, either. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There ain’t one character that the Juice is attached to like some of those freaks out there. Like all those crazy dudes that worship Boba Fett. I mean, c’mon! The dude had practically no lines across all 6 movies. What is it about Boba Fett? The armor? Or is it that he’s a “bounty hunter”? I’m a bettin’ man. I’d be willin’ to wager dollars to donuts that all the geeks out there who love Boba Fett so dang much really fell in love with the words “bounty hunter.” Cause they’ve got nothin’ else in their sad, pathetic, live in their parent’s basements lives. Might as well pretend to be a bounty hunter, right? That’s why the nerds all worship Fett. That and the braided wookies scalps. But, anyway…
I WAS a big fan of the Jedi, like Yoda and Obi-Wan. The whole Jedi “thing” seemed fairly cool, even if the whole thing was fairly contradictory. The prequels, however, ruined the mystique of the Jedi order. You can read some of my thoughts of that here. Not only ruinin’ what the OT established the Jedi to be, but makin’ them look like a bunch of Mr. Spocks, with cool lazer swords.
As for the rest of the major characters, Han was cool through the first 2 movies, then suddenly he lost one of his nuts in Return of the Jedi (my apologies if I offended any of my one nut readers out there). Talk about a neutered dog! As for Leia, Chewie, R2, C3PO, Lando and the rest? Just there to move the story along, as far as I’m concerned.
I know. I know what you’re thinkin’ What about Vader and Luke? You forgot all about them, the Juice.” No I didn’t ya moron. I’m just addressin’ them separately, OK? I’m drivin’ the car here. How about lettin’ me write the dang post? As for Vader. I gotta admit, Darth Vader WAS a bad motherfucker. And scary? Dude, was he scary. But, again, the Prequels ruined all that. Now anytime I see Vader, I can’t help but think of the whiney baby that’s inside that suit. Dang! And I thought Luke was whiney. Apparently not only is the force strong in the Skywalker family, but so is bein’ a lil bitch.
And what of Luke? Well, much of that has again already been written here. Suffice it to say that Luke is by far the most interestin’ character in Star Wars universe. I guess that’s cause it’s his story. Now, I know that Lucas has said that Star Wars is about Anakin. And I guess that’s true. But, the OT is really Luke’s story.
So, if it’s not the effects, the ships or characters then what is it about Star Wars? Do, I have to beat you over the head with it? I pretty much just spelled it out for ya, already. It’s the story! Duh!!!! Sometimes, I gotta wonder about my readers. It’s a great god-damn story!!! You’ve got a farmboy, a guru, the hired hand, a princess and one very bad motherfucker. It’s classic. It’s pure genius. The only thing that Star Wars is missin’ is hot chicks in wet-T shirts. Which, we almost had with Leia fallin’ in the trash compactor. Next time, George. Next time.
It just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter much about the special effects, crappy dialogue or whatever. It’s the story that counts.
Sure, there are things I’d change about the movies. I pretty much leavin’ A New Hope alone. If I could take the swanky 70’s style out of it, I would, but story-wise, I’m leavin’ it alone. Empire Strikes Back? Man, I getta bone just thinkin’ about it. Best Movie Ever? I dare say so. If not, then it’s definitely top 3. As for Return of the Jedi, some of the best parts of the series are in that movie. Luke facin’ Vader? Powerful fuckin’ shit!!!! But some of the worst parts are also in Jedi. Ewoks? The Juice has always somewhat defended the Ewoks. I don’t know why, either. I’m certainly not a fan of them. In fact, I end up fast forwardin’ most of their scenes. Maybe it’s the part where C3PO tells the Star Wars story to the Ewoks that almost saves the concept of the Ewoks. Almost. I get why Lucas put the Ewoks in the movie. You know, the whole technology v. anti-technology thing. And how the whole anti-technology thing wins out. But…the Ewoks still suck.
The other thing I would change about Jedi is the whole 2nd Death Star thing. Don’t you think that the Empire might’ve gone with a different design? Especially since they were so embarrassed by that lil rebel ship blowin’ up the first Death Star. I say yes. So…I don’t have a viable alternative for the story. And you know how I love to scenes from movies. Remember my take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? As soon as I come up with one, I’ll let you and Lucas know.
I’m not sure I persuaded anyone why Star Wars is great. We could’ve save ourselves a lot of time if you would’ve just taken my word for it.
posted by the Juice at 10:59 PM
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