MMMMM....sleep
by the Juice
See…my problem is that I am perpetually tired. Man, I am tired! I put the T, the I, and the Red in tired. I know what you’re gonna tell me. It’s probably the 17 kids you have, you dumb hick. Well, that’s partially true. If you’ll allow me to indulge myself, I’ll tell you how partially true you are. Yea…I have waaaaayyyyy to many kids. I guess it’s because I’m partial to fornicating. Either that or I’m too stupid to use a condom once in awhile. Either that or that or I’m Catholic (which I’m not). So it’s either I like to “get busy” or I’m stupid. I don’t think that there’s any debate in my intelligence level here. But, as usual, I digress
So, with all these damn kids, I don’t get much sleep. In fact my youngest, Lucifer (he’s 18 months for those of you keeping score), apparently doesn’t like to sleep. At night at least. In fact, none of my kids were what you would call “sleepers”. Now that’s beautiful irony right there kids. I love to sleep, but my offspring don’t. See where I’m coming from? Do I have to connect the fucking dots for you? I like to sleep. The kids don’t sleep. Therefore, I don’t get any sleep. BECAUSE THEY’RE UP ALL FUCKING NIGHT!!!! What? Are you stupid or what? Damn! I gotta get some sleep!
Anywho… me loves to sleep. Sleep, nap, snooze, saw some wood, whatever. Damn. It’s all good! Got 2 minutes? I’m sleepin. Got half hour? I’m sleepin. Here’s a handy dandy hint from the sleep master. Anything over a half hour? You’re asking for trouble. “Why?” you ask innocently. Cause you’re gonna wake up more tired than when you feel asleep. And….and you’ll have a splitting headache. And no doubt your mood will be a smidge south of pleasant. And, it’ll take you twice as long to get over that groggy feeling. You know the feeling I’m talking about. It’s kind like that feeling after drinking waaaaaayyyyy too much and waking up on the floor of stall in the skankiest bathroom this side of a Mexican hotel filled with American tourist. Who forgot and drank the water. That kind of groggy!
So…In closing…Sleep = good. Kids = take em or leave em. Me = taking a nap.
And don’t drink the water in Mexico. If you’re not a native, that is (just coverin my ass)
Remind me to tell you how I love to sleep in and how my daughter, Crazy Pixie, is waking up the god damn roosters.
See…my problem is that I am perpetually tired. Man, I am tired! I put the T, the I, and the Red in tired. I know what you’re gonna tell me. It’s probably the 17 kids you have, you dumb hick. Well, that’s partially true. If you’ll allow me to indulge myself, I’ll tell you how partially true you are. Yea…I have waaaaayyyyy to many kids. I guess it’s because I’m partial to fornicating. Either that or I’m too stupid to use a condom once in awhile. Either that or that or I’m Catholic (which I’m not). So it’s either I like to “get busy” or I’m stupid. I don’t think that there’s any debate in my intelligence level here. But, as usual, I digress
So, with all these damn kids, I don’t get much sleep. In fact my youngest, Lucifer (he’s 18 months for those of you keeping score), apparently doesn’t like to sleep. At night at least. In fact, none of my kids were what you would call “sleepers”. Now that’s beautiful irony right there kids. I love to sleep, but my offspring don’t. See where I’m coming from? Do I have to connect the fucking dots for you? I like to sleep. The kids don’t sleep. Therefore, I don’t get any sleep. BECAUSE THEY’RE UP ALL FUCKING NIGHT!!!! What? Are you stupid or what? Damn! I gotta get some sleep!
Anywho… me loves to sleep. Sleep, nap, snooze, saw some wood, whatever. Damn. It’s all good! Got 2 minutes? I’m sleepin. Got half hour? I’m sleepin. Here’s a handy dandy hint from the sleep master. Anything over a half hour? You’re asking for trouble. “Why?” you ask innocently. Cause you’re gonna wake up more tired than when you feel asleep. And….and you’ll have a splitting headache. And no doubt your mood will be a smidge south of pleasant. And, it’ll take you twice as long to get over that groggy feeling. You know the feeling I’m talking about. It’s kind like that feeling after drinking waaaaaayyyyy too much and waking up on the floor of stall in the skankiest bathroom this side of a Mexican hotel filled with American tourist. Who forgot and drank the water. That kind of groggy!
So…In closing…Sleep = good. Kids = take em or leave em. Me = taking a nap.
And don’t drink the water in Mexico. If you’re not a native, that is (just coverin my ass)
Remind me to tell you how I love to sleep in and how my daughter, Crazy Pixie, is waking up the god damn roosters.
posted by the Juice at 10:21 PM
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