Holy (heavily sugared) Water

the Juice wants to know, what is it about soda that makes it so delicioso? Is it the zillion grams of sugar? The carbonation? Or that Ronnie McDonald has been programmin' us to drink the shit since we fell out of our mommy’s womb?

Whatever the reason, the Juice loves the soda pop. I know I know. I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin': "But which kind, the Juice? Which brand do you like the most?" If that's what you're thinkin', then you really need to get your head examined. Who gives a shit, I say! the Juice loves it all. Pepsi (the Juice would like to say that they paid me more to mention their name first, but they didn't), Coke, RC, Wal-Mart brand. Who gives fuck one! It’s all good!

For journalistic integrity, however, if the Juice had to choose, I’d pick Pepsi. Now if the fine piece of ass waitress at my local truck stop tells me that all “they” have is Coke, believe you me, the Juice ain’t tossin’ the table over in a fit of rage. I might think about it, mind you. But it probably wouldn’t be from the soda selection. I’ll drink the Coke. I’m just sayin' the Juice worships at the alter of Pepsi. That’s all.

the Juice was visitin' some relatives in Florida. Ugghhh! Let me just tell you, the Juice feels downright sorry for you bastards that live in that state! Besides the obvious reasons, of course. The soda down there is downright awful. Now, I’m by no means sayin' that I’m a worldly fellow. In fact, a trip for me usually consists of a walk around the ol' neighborhood. But, the Juice can tell you that ANY soda from central Florida, generally (and specifically) blows. I don't blame the bottlers, either. It’s the dang water down there. And the Juice is bein' VERY generous when I call it water. It’s just terrible. My advice? Just like travelin' to Mexico, bring your own water! And a few bottles of soda. You’ll thank the Juice for it.